To : senator_stevens@stevens.senate.gov
Cc :
Attchmnt:
Subject : SSSCA! Bravo!

Senator Stevens,

I would like to commend and congratulate you on your co-sponsorship of the SSSCA. If it had been up to me, I would have named it something totally stupid, such as "MCPPA" (Media Cartel Profit Protection Act). The SSSCA nomenclature is pure genius, but I guess that's why you're a senator and I'm still a lowly peon.

Yes, indeed the time has come for the Government to require that digital rights management be embedded in all electronic devices. I, too, have heard those horrible rumors about people using their ni-cad battery chargers to make unauthorized copies of DVD movies. We can't allow this to go on, otherwise such fine 100% American companies as Sony and Universal-Vivendi might go bankrupt, depriving thousands of American workers of their jobs. Thank Heavens you care for your constituency!

Senator, like you, I too am a fan of Big Government. The bigger the better. Indeed, you can't trust the Free Market, not to mention those pesky Capitalists to do the Right Thing, and that's why Government Regulation and Sanctions, such as the SSSCA, are always necessary. Always. It's a mystery to me why people don't understand this. But I guess that's why you're a senator, so you can decide what's best for the people. And I'm thrilled the Republican party has finally Seen The Light and begun to co-opt some of the Marxist wisdom. Can't let the Communists keep all the Bright Ideas, can we?

For that matter, did you know that computers can be used to spread Subversive Ideas? Unbelievable! I strongly suggest that you immediately introduce legislation to set up a Government agency to license and monitor all computer use. These infernal machines are just too dangerous to exist in an unregulated environment.

If the voters in Alaska, in their great wisdom, elected you as their senator, why it must certainly be a fine place. I'll be packing up to move there at my earliest convenience, so I can live the Wonderful Life and get on the Welfare Rolls. Meanwhile, I'm studying Senator Hollings' opening statement in the hearings, so I too can learn to Talk Tough and Threaten.


Not your constituent yet, but hope soon to be (please do your utmost to increase Public Assistance payments in Alaska - $50,000/month would be nice), and, nevertheless still a great fan of yours. Keep up the good work.